Confessions of a Former Redhead - In a Funk

Oh, to be redheaded again...

I have been in a funk.  I mean, that's not a surprise, I knew I was feeling not quite myself lately, but at the same time I guess I didn't realize how big of a funk I've been in.

What was the catalyst to this revelation you ask?

It suddenly dawned on me...  My hair...  It's not red anymore. 

I've been dying my hair various shades of stoplight, copper, even reddish maroon since I was 15 years old (and was begging to do it pretty much daily for about 4 years before that).  My hair has been red for so long that when I casually mentioned my hair isn't naturally red, my own father said "really?"  My Twitter and Instagram both announce my bottle redhead status quite proudly.  I was so obsessed with being a redhead that when I was 19 and dying accident left me with black hair, I spent $400 at a salon getting it corrected back to red, and called out from work because the idea of being seen with black hair was traumatizing.

But right now?  Not red.  Not even a little red.  About two months ago, maybe even three, I dyed it a new color which ended up being more brown then red...  After crying for most of the afternoon, I went and did absolutely nothing to fix it.  So now, I'm very clearly not a redhead anymore, but a brunette.

When I asked myself "this is something about yourself that makes you unhappy...  Why haven't you taken the time to fix it?" my answer to myself was "it's just not worth it."

Hold up, did I just think to myself that doing something that not only stops me from being bummed out about how I look, but would actually make me super happy isn't worth the effort?

That, my friends, is a funk if ever I saw one.

Wore the scarf once, then I thought it made my
face look fat

Then I thought about it a little more...  Why haven't I worn that new dress I thought was super pretty yet?  Because I think when people look at me, they'll think I look dumpy (still hate you Prednisone).  Why haven't I done anything with my hair but put it in a ponytail or a bun for weeks?  Because the Prednisone has given me major moon face and I feel like there's no point in doing my hair when I think all people will see is how puffy I am.  Why did I not go with my husband to see his family?  I was insecure about how I looked, how I felt, and didn't think I could make the trip comfortably or feel good about myself while I was there.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I just kind of have been abandoning myself and things for me because I felt like I just wasn't worth the effort right now.  I kept thinking to myself maybe when I'm off the stupid Prednisone, when I've lost the weight from the medication, when I have somewhere to go and things to do, when all the stars align, and life is perfect, then I'll go back to doing things for me. 

But right now?  I've been operating under the assumption that it, and in turn I, am just not worth it.

So today, I got up, did a great kettlebell workout (hurrah for buying weights to use at home), took a nice, long shower, looked at myself in the mirror and said to myself: 

"Today I'm going to dress in a way that makes me feel good, maybe even pretty."

"I'm going to stop thinking about everything I think is wrong with me, how I look, or how I feel."

"Today I'm going to fix my hair and become a redhead again."

Flowers and a card from my husband

"I'm not going to care what anybody thinks about it.  As long as it makes me happy, it's worth doing."

Already feeling pretty good about life today and I cannot wait to be a redhead again.

Edited to add: I went, found a super cute outfit that I felt super cute in.  I did my make-up and I have to say, I nailed it.  Did my hair, and it looked gorgeous.  I put on my shoes to go out and go shopping...  Then my son threw up all over the floor.

So...  I looked great, but I stayed home all day with a sick kiddo.  I was tempted to change out of the dress and nice shirt I was wearing, but I decided to stick with the plan and stay dressed up all day.  So I was the most overdressed puke cleaner of all time.  

Ah kids and plans... 


So let's discuss:

• How do you break out of a funk?
• Kids, aren't they great?